the creative process

how can I write,

inspire,

create,

when I’m not driven by sadness and hate?

is it possible

for me to say how I feel

when saying ‘I’m happy’ feels so

unreal?

because contentment is a

hell of a drug,

but it isn’t like

the other ones.

the ones that leave you

sad

and down,

feeling like there’s no way out.

it doesn’t make me feel

inspired

to share my traumas

as though they’re desired.

and talking about happiness

feels like

bragging,

but maybe that’s just my negativity nagging.

because the masses

won’t understand

how good it feels

to hold your life in your hands.

i couldn’t share

the joy i feel

because it doesn’t

feel as real

as being fed up,

depressed,

alone.

it doesn’t make me hate my home.

the home that carries me

around,

because my mind and i

have found

a clearer view, a happy place

a newly renovated mental space.

that provides me with a little light

and excitement that keeps me up at night.

now i’m ranting,

so i digress,

but i hope you put this

to the test

try living your life

for yourself,

stop believing you belong

to anyone else.

and maybe one day

you’ll be lucky enough to find

a new perspective

as refreshing as mine.