March 3 Prompt

Swipe for self-reflection!

Jk, you’ll have to do that yourself. But can you imagine??

Anyway, this prompt was inspired by a myriad of people and situations (99% of which include myself). When things aren’t going my way — when I’m running late, or the internet stops working, or wildfires remind me how truly small and fragile I am — I lose touch with myself and my anxiety takes over. 

And my anxiety is a raging bitch.

She makes me feel angry, irritated, power hungry, and then she makes me project. She’s made me yell at writers who can’t make a deadline. She’s made me want to hit other drivers with my car in Buffalo traffic. She’s made me glare at babies who cry in public.

She makes me spiral out of control grasping for any sense of control I can get my hands on. (The irony is nauseating, I know.)

But when I’m mindful about what’s happening, I realize that I’m allowing circumstances outside of my control to affect that which I can control — myself. If I take a moment to stop and take a deep breath, to think about how I’m truly feeling (not the superficial feelings like anger), I can go to the root of my emotions and work to solve the deeper issues (the anxiety that’s causing my anger). 

It’s rarely easy, but it’s a practice and the more I practice the better I get. Last night, I started feeling out of control in my dream and TURNED TO MY BREATH. Even my dream-self is starting to incorporate coping mechanisms when things get hard, and I think that’s dope. 

Do you project your frustrations when you’re feeling out of control, too? Or is control just my trigger? 🥴🤪

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